Episode #4, I Found Father And Dad Are Actually Different, Think About It!

Dad with his five children image by Author James Boylan and Microsoft Copilot

I am the dad of five children, yet I am the father of only one of these beautiful beings. I am the granddad of seven grandchildren and great-granddad of five more. My first wife had a son from a previous marriage and was the mother of our daughter.

My second wife, Carol, was a widow when we married in 1980. She had two daughters and was pregnant with her third when her husband transitioned. When we married, her daughters were concerned that I was going to “try to take their father’s place.” There was real pain being suffered by these three.

I took the oldest aside and explained that I was not their father and wasn’t going to try to be. I then added that I was going to be the best dad to them that I could possibly be. And have been working on this since then.

I told them all that the word “step” was not a part of my vocabulary when it came to how I thought of them. This eased tensions somewhat but the air was still pretty thick with tensions for several years.

Those children all grew to love me and accept me for just what I was. My son calls me dad to this day when we are talking and he is now in his 60s. My daughters still call me Jim but love me and make a point of contacting me every Father’s Day and they are now in their late 40s and 50s.

43 years later, I am still the dad to all of them plus to my extended family.

My grandchildren give me a great big hug every time I see them and they range from 18 to mid-30s.

Image of young people texting by Author and ChatGPT

Since this is the electronic age, people younger than me communicate electronically more often than not. I discovered that this does not mean that they answered phones, though.

So several years ago I began sending out a weekly text to our children to remind them that they were being thought of and that we loved them. More often than not, they were responded to by them saying that they loved me/us too.

Then they began getting married so their spouses were added to the text list. Then they began having children of their own and, as soon as these children were old enough to have a phone, they were added to the list. We would get responses back from them too, regularly.

Some of our friends would hear about this and ask if they could join the list and so this list really began to expand. We would have friends that were going through tough times and we would ask if they would like to be on the list.

Carol made her transition on Labor Day, two years ago. The texts were no longer from us, but now from me. 42 1/2 years where I always thought we and now it is me. It makes me realize how blessed I truly was, and am that she was with me.

Every Friday and Saturday, I worked in the St. Andrews Soup Kitchen on the East Side of Flint, MI. This kitchen is in the heart of one of the most impoverished, crime-ridden areas of the city.

Several of the people from there, including other volunteers, homeless, and other patrons of the kitchen, are now on the list. They are now part of my extended family.

Image of Grandpa and Grandchildren by author James Boylan and ChatGPT.

The point of this article is to show that FAMILY is a whole lot more than DNA. Because of my past, there are not many whom I can not relate with. I am blessed to realize that I have a spiritual connection to so many. The first two words of The Lord’s Prayer say it all. They are “Our Father.”

So what? You may say. Since we all say “Our Father,” this means to me that we are all connected. The same “Spiritual DNA,” so to speak. So my extended family is large and growing. For this, I am too blessed to be stressed.

Thank you for listening. Please let your friends know about us. And don't forget to comment and let us know what you think or if you have any questions. We can share our experiences, strengths, and hopes with each other. So long and have a blessed day!  

Thank you, God!