Episode #4, I Found Father And Dad Are Actually Different, Think About It!

Spirituality and Recovery in Jim’s Substack

Jim’s Substack Spirituality and Recovery Podcast

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Episode #4, I Found Father And Dad Are Actually Different, Think About It!

Jim Boylan

Sep 02, 2024

Transcript

Dad with his five children image by Author James Boylan and Microsoft Copilot

I am the dad of five children, yet I am the father of only one of these beautiful beings. I am the granddad of seven grandchildren and great-granddad of five more. My first wife had a son from a previous marriage and was the mother of our daughter.

My second wife, Carol, was a widow when we married in 1980. She had two daughters and was pregnant with her third when her husband transitioned. When we married, her daughters were concerned that I was going to “try to take their father’s place.” There was real pain being suffered by these three.

I took the oldest aside and explained that I was not their father and wasn’t going to try to be. I then added that I was going to be the best dad to them that I could possibly be. And have been working on this since then.

I told them all that the word “step” was not a part of my vocabulary when it came to how I thought of them. This eased tensions somewhat but the air was still pretty thick with tensions for several years.

Those children all grew to love me and accept me for just what I was. My son calls me dad to this day when we are talking and he is now in his 60s. My daughters still call me Jim but love me and make a point of contacting me every Father’s Day and they are now in their late 40s and 50s.

43 years later, I am still the dad to all of them plus to my extended family.

My grandchildren give me a great big hug every time I see them and they range from 18 to mid-30s.

Image of young people texting by Author and ChatGPT

Since this is the electronic age, people younger than me communicate electronically more often than not. I discovered that this does not mean that they answered phones, though.

So several years ago I began sending out a weekly text to our children to remind them that they were being thought of and that we loved them. More often than not, they were responded to by them saying that they loved me/us too.

Then they began getting married so their spouses were added to the text list. Then they began having children of their own and, as soon as these children were old enough to have a phone, they were added to the list. We would get responses back from them too, regularly.

Some of our friends would hear about this and ask if they could join the list and so this list really began to expand. We would have friends that were going through tough times and we would ask if they would like to be on the list.

Carol made her transition on Labor Day, two years ago. The texts were no longer from us, but now from me. 42 1/2 years where I always thought we and now it is me. It makes me realize how blessed I truly was, and am that she was with me.

Every Friday and Saturday, I worked in the St. Andrews Soup Kitchen on the East Side of Flint, MI. This kitchen is in the heart of one of the most impoverished, crime-ridden areas of the city.

Several of the people from there, including other volunteers, homeless, and other patrons of the kitchen, are now on the list. They are now part of my extended family.

Image of Grandpa and Grandchildren by author James Boylan and ChatGPT.

The point of this article is to show that FAMILY is a whole lot more than DNA. Because of my past, there are not many whom I can not relate with. I am blessed to realize that I have a spiritual connection to so many. The first two words of The Lord’s Prayer say it all. They are “Our Father.”

So what? You may say. Since we all say “Our Father,” this means to me that we are all connected. The same “Spiritual DNA,” so to speak. So my extended family is large and growing. For this, I am too blessed to be stressed.

Thank you for listening. Please let your friends know about us. And don't forget to comment and let us know what you think or if you have any questions. We can share our experiences, strengths, and hopes with each other. So long and have a blessed day!

Thank you, God!

Discussion about this podcast

Jim’s Substack Spirituality and Recovery Podcast

Episode #1

This is the first episode on Substack. The episodes will concentrate of the study of Spirituality and recovery from addictions, mainly alcohol. On September 20, 1976, I was introduced to AA and, in turn, AA introduced me to the study of Spirituality. I owe everything that I have today, including breathing in followed by out, to AA and the Spiritual practices it introduced me to. I encourage feedback because, after all, this is a WE program.

Hi. Welcome to Spirituality and Recovery. This episode #1 is called Spirituality and How It Has Affected My Recovery and, Thus, My Entire Life. My name is Jim Boylan and I will be your host.

When I came into the Program of AA, I had no religious or spiritual knowledge at all. My idea of God was that It was a being in human form sitting on a golden throne “up there somewhere, in heaven” judging and ordering punishment for transgressions, real or imagined, that I may or may not have committed.

Then, through any ministers that I heard, we were asked and pleaded with to contribute generously and often because of this or that need or desire, to make the church more beautiful or to help the “needy.”

For many years, we were the “needy,” just not knowing it and what we did know was that we couldn’t afford to up our monetary ante, even if we wanted to.

These were the same ministers who wanted us to believe that, in order for us to communicate with God, we had to pray AND go through them. So, when I came into the Program of AA, I seriously hesitated.

I quickly saw the references to God in the Big Book and the 12 Steps and recoiled. And, I let my apprehensions be known to the others.

I then heard from several of the members who I had known before they came into the program as hard drinking, hard fighting, hard everything just like me and were now telling me to relax.

They said that this was a spiritual program, not a religious program. I didn’t know the difference and didn’t believe that there even was one. Just word play again.

I didn’t know what this all meant but I also recalled hearing How it Works read before every meeting. In the 2nd paragraph, it said “If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it, then welcome.”

I was at my bottom, not knowing that there was hope for me, let alone help. I wanted what they had. Knew that I was willing to do ANYTHING. To go to any lengths to get it. They also told me “Fake it till you make it.”

So I did. I faked believing that the Higher Power actually wanted to help me and was not going to judge me for my horrific past. I faked believing that He was actually going to forgive me for my past.

Very quickly, I noticed positive changes taking place in my life. I could go for longer periods of time without thinking of taking a drink. Many of the people around me, who I had considered a-holes, were turning pretty nice.

At least they were now tolerable. I started feeling better about myself. That I was not lower than snake poop. I had hope for maybe the first time in my life. It didn’t take long until I was no longer faking it.

I was getting regular demonstrations that a Higher Power of some kind was working with and through me. With each revelation like this, I only hungered for more so I looked into the Spiritual angle even deeper.

I absolutely loved what I saw and was feeling. My Higher Power, who I now choose to call God, was not “up there somewhere” judging and punishing me. He was in my heart, working through me and everyone I met.

I discovered that I didn’t have to like everyone, just as long as I loved them enough to see the Christ in them just like these former creatures that I was seeing at the AA meetings saw in me.

The others gave of themselves to me so that I could come up for air and see that I was not a worthless slug. Only one who just wanted hope. Today, I offer to give whatever I can so that others may see that there is hope.

Whodathunk that a word as short as HOPE would be so huge? You folks gave me hope and I want only that you can have it too, not only as deep-seated as it is for me but even more for you.

So, to answer the poser from the title, sobriety has given me a life that money can’t buy and a thief can’t steal. How did I get this sobriety? By surrendering to the spiritual portion of the AA Program.

By my working my program 24/7/365 to the best of my ability. By just doing the next right thing! How do I know if it is right? If I am doing the best that I can, if it feels right, it IS right! Simple as that! Don’t complicate it.

If you want what I have AND ARE WILLING TO GO TO ANY LENGTHS TO GET IT, THEN COD, Come On Down! If I could do this, you can and will too if you are willing to go to any lengths to get it. That is a promise!

Thank you, God!

Thank you for listening. I usually publish at least three times per week.

We are found on https://boylanj.substack.com/

Episode #1 This is the first episode on Substack. The episodes will concentrate of the study of Spirituality and recovery from addictions, mainly alcohol. On September 20, 1976, I was introduced to AA and, in turn, AA introduced me to the study of Spirituality. I owe everything that I have today, including breathing in followed by out, to AA and the Spiritual practices it introduced me to. I encourage feedback because, after all, this is a WE program. Hi. Welcome to Spirituality and Recovery. This episode #1 is called Spirituality and How It Has Affected My Recovery and, Thus, My Entire Life. My name is Jim Boylan and I will be your host. When I came into the Program of AA, I had no religious or spiritual knowledge at all. My idea of God was that It was a being in human form sitting on a golden throne “up there somewhere, in heaven” judging and ordering punishment for transgressions, real or imagined, that I may or may not have committed. Then, through any ministers that I heard, we were asked and pleaded with to contribute generously and often because of this or that need or desire, to make the church more beautiful or to help the “needy.” For many years, we were the “needy,” just not knowing it and what we did know was that we couldn’t afford to up our monetary ante, even if we wanted to. These were the same ministers who wanted us to believe that, in order for us to communicate with God, we had to pray AND go through them. So, when I came into the Program of AA, I seriously hesitated. I quickly saw the references to God in the Big Book and the 12 Steps and recoiled. And, I let my apprehensions be known to the others. I then heard from several of the members who I had known before they came into the program as hard drinking, hard fighting, hard everything just like me and were now telling me to relax. They said that this was a spiritual program, not a religious program. I didn’t know the difference and didn’t believe that there even was one. Just word play again. I didn’t know what this all meant but I also recalled hearing How it Works read before every meeting. In the 2nd paragraph, it said “If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it, then welcome.” I was at my bottom, not knowing that there was hope for me, let alone help. I wanted what they had. Knew that I was willing to do ANYTHING. To go to any lengths to get it. They also told me “Fake it till you make it.” So I did. I faked believing that the Higher Power actually wanted to help me and was not going to judge me for my horrific past. I faked believing that He was actually going to forgive me for my past. Very quickly, I noticed positive changes taking place in my life. I could go for longer periods of time without thinking of taking a drink. Many of the people around me, who I had considered a-holes, were turning pretty nice. At least they were now tolerable. I started feeling better about myself. That I was not lower than snake poop. I had hope for maybe the first time in my life. It didn’t take long until I was no longer faking it. I was getting regular demonstrations that a Higher Power of some kind was working with and through me. With each revelation like this, I only hungered for more so I looked into the Spiritual angle even deeper. I absolutely loved what I saw and was feeling. My Higher Power, who I now choose to call God, was not “up there somewhere” judging and punishing me. He was in my heart, working through me and everyone I met. I discovered that I didn’t have to like everyone, just as long as I loved them enough to see the Christ in them just like these former creatures that I was seeing at the AA meetings saw in me. The others gave of themselves to me so that I could come up for air and see that I was not a worthless slug. Only one who just wanted hope. Today, I offer to give whatever I can so that others may see that there is hope. Whodathunk that a word as short as HOPE would be so huge? You folks gave me hope and I want only that you can have it too, not only as deep-seated as it is for me but even more for you. So, to answer the poser from the title, sobriety has given me a life that money can’t buy and a thief can’t steal. How did I get this sobriety? By surrendering to the spiritual portion of the AA Program. By my working my program 24/7/365 to the best of my ability. By just doing the next right thing! How do I know if it is right? If I am doing the best that I can, if it feels right, it IS right! Simple as that! Don’t complicate it. If you want what I have AND ARE WILLING TO GO TO ANY LENGTHS TO GET IT, THEN COD, Come On Down! If I could do this, you can and will too if you are willing to go to any lengths to get it. That is a promise! Thank you, God! Thank you for listening. I usually publish at least three times per week. We are found on https://boylanj.substack.com/

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